Today was gorgeous. I drove around with my windows down and listened to this song and this song and this song on repeat and grew increasingly more eager for summer to arrive. I also picked up my disposable camera photos from February at Walgreens. I didn’t get around to buying a new set for this month, so I haven’t been taking any lately, but I wanted to share these with you, and give you a bit of an update.
Winter in New EnglandWinter in New England II. After I took these, a man pulled up beside me and said, “Don’t you just feel so blessed to live here?” Winter in New England III (This one’s my favorite. I love living near such historic cemeteries.) Target parking lot in a snowstorm. I am actually astounded that this one came out. Balloons & onions at Price Chopper. Kinda weird, kinda cool. Cereal faces in Price Chopper.Pretty corner of the antique store. A not-so-rare sighting: two coffees for Brooke. Excuse the profanity; this is the goodbye cake I made for Brooke who has gone away until May. Picnic on the lake.An awfully teary goodbye selfie. Out of order bathroom in Vermont. Winter scene on a walk down my street.
I have been thinking about my blog as a platform a lot lately.
I adore this blog. It’s a safe space for me. It’s nearly six years old, so I feel like I’ve kind of grown up on here, which is both a good and a bad thing. I never want to get rid of it entirely, that’s for sure. But I think it’s just kind of like a “home base” in terms of where I share my writing and my content.
I started a newsletter at the beginning of March on Substack. I’ve been trying to write every day on there, cause writing’s what I want to do, and I had been putting it on the back burner for a while. It was really nice to start fresh, and start somewhere where I didn’t have so much history. I’m going to share the link on or around my birthday, April 7th, and by then there will be a good amount of content for you to peruse at your leisure.
I’m not going to set anything in stone; we all know I don’t like to stick to plans when it comes to this website. But I’d like my newsletter to be the place where I publish my writing and my blog to be where I share photos/more broad topics regarding my personal life.
I wanted to share this with you so you (maybe?) have something to look forward to if you’re at all interested in reading stuff I’ve written. None of it is extremely professional, and many of the posts read like my typical blog post, but I do put a lot more work and time and heart into them, and for that reason I’m very excited to share it with the world.
I have some life updates I’ll likely be sharing in the next few weeks, but for now, I just wanted to pop in and say “hey” and “happy spring” and “aren’t you so glad the snow’s done (or so we think)?!” I hope everyone’s doing well, staying safe, and is enjoying life as much as you can these days.
In November of last year, I came across the disposable cameras while shopping at Target. I’d never used one — at least not recently — and the only memory I really had of them was of my nana winding the film and pressing the button that ignited the infamous blinding flash.
The concept of the disposable camera is horrendously anti-eco-friendly. I’m surprised they still sell them, frankly. But I have been wanting to get into film photography since I took a class during my sophomore year of high school.
Learning technicalities of photography has always interested me, but I wanted to start learning with something simple so I wouldn’t get overwhelmed. I decided that disposable cameras were a good way to start, seeing as there’s only one button, and only two settings (flash/no flash). Pretty easy.
I got an Etsy gift card for Christmas and decided to look for some next-level film cameras. I was looking for something that you needed film for (so the disposable title would no longer eat at me), and I found one for super cheap. It’s very clunky, but I’ve been having fun experimenting with it. In 2021, I want to shoot one roll per month — whether it be via disposable camera or actual 35mm film.
In photography class, developing prints was so frustrating to me, but being able to see the process first-hand helped me appreciate photography that much more. The idea of not seeing your photos for weeks or months is very special to me. The drive to and from Walgreens to pick up my prints was filled with so much anticipation and excitement, and I was so eager to get them onto my computer and share them.
So without further ado, here are just a couple of my favorite photos I took with my disposable camera from January 2021. Once I finish my first real roll of film, I’ll share that (assuming they all come out okay).
Also, a PSA: because I’ll likely be questioned: the friends I’m with in some of these photos are all a part of my close circle. They are all very Covid-conscious and vocal about their whereabouts, well-beings, etc.
I took a solo trip to Misquamicut State Beach in Rhode Island on the first day of the year.This is one of my favorites. I don’t remember if I used the flash or not, but the colors are insane!My friend Jordyn in the bread aisle at Stop and Shop. Watching the sunset with my friend Brooke. You can see her forehead in the bottom right. I’m not sure if this is creepy or cool, but I wanted to document my outfit, so Brooke took this photo of me outside of Target. Me with Corinna, Alison, and Lauren. C&A’s brother took this one and swore it didn’t come out well, but it is genuinely my new favorite picture. Cigarette box shadows at the gas station. Brooke & I listening to Taylor Swift and eating Wendy’s frosties. Sadly, I failed to use the flash on this one and it came out kinda weird. But I think it looks cool anyway. Lastly, Brooke and me in front of our favorite place.
I look forward to writing more blog posts this year & getting back into my writing groove. I hope you liked seeing these photos! I do wish I had gotten into photo-taking at the start of the pandemic, but better late than never. I know I’ll be so glad to have these someday; I’m glad to have them now! Photography is a beautiful thing.
Thursday was my final day of high school. Well, my final *official* day of high school classes. Technically, my last day of in-person school was in March which is crazy to think about. It was a mediocre day, and while I remember it pretty well, it’s hard not to wonder what the last day of school would’ve look like had we been able to have it in-person.
Today I was talking with my friend about the situation seniors are dealing with and about the current state of the world. We both attended Black Lives Matter protests over the last week and couldn’t believe how much energy we spent complaining about the loss of our senior year. We were dumbfounded as to why it was such a big deal when there are things that matter so much more happening in the world.
Yes, we’re missing out on prom and graduation and a class trip — but there are also people dying, every day. There are also people who don’t get to attend school in the first place who would do anything to be in our shoes. Although it may not feel like it all the time, we are so lucky. And it took us this long to truly comprehend that.
Honestly, I feel embarrassed and ashamed. At the beginning of quarantine, I wrote a blog post every day/week, lamenting and expressing my anger and sadness about missing out on my senior year. I would FaceTime my friends daily and complain about how much we disliked online school and wished we could return to normalcy.
I don’t think my — or anyone’s — feelings are invalid, so I don’t regret the emotions I felt or the way I reacted. But this whole experience has taught me a lot; most importantly, it reminded me that many of my problems are so first-world, and before I complain, I need to look at the bigger picture. There are so many things I could have used (and still can use) my spare time and energy towards to help other people.
A beautiful thing about life, though, is that, while you can’t go back and redo anything, you can always start from scratch. Tomorrow’s a new day, and you have the power to make the changes — whether they be global changes or personal changes — that you want to make.
Clearly, the end of high school has got me feeling a little deep and reflective. I’m really sad that it ended this way, but to be honest: it just makes me that much more excited about the next stage of my life. I missed out on an important phase, but why not choose to make every part of my life an important and meaningful one?
I think I learned more life lessons this semester than I have during my whole life. It was an emotional time, for sure, but now that high school is behind me, I am excited to move forward and to focus on the things that I’m passionate about.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my generation is graduating from high school during a global pandemic and amidst a time of racial inequality and protest (along with a million other things). I truly think it’s a sign from the universe to all of us young people, telling us to fight for what’s right, to continue learning, to demand justice, and to never stop counting our blessings. And from now on, I intend to listen.
The Smiths were my first favorite band. They changed my life, my mind, and my relationship with music. Here’s why:
PSA: Before starting this post, I would like to disregard Morrissey’s current state of being for just a few minutes and let you know that this post is solely regarding the music and effect of The Smiths as a collective band.
The first time I remember hearing The Smiths was at the end of middle school. There Is A Light That Never Goes Out was on my Discover Weekly playlist on Spotify. I remember thinking, that’s an interesting voice and being intrigued by the lyrics I can now only describe as sparkling. “To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die.” I had never heard anything like it in a song. Morrissey’s lyrics sparkle,and I thought that from the moment I first heard them.
At that point in my life, I loved music but wasn’t much of a deep thinker. I listened to music solely for its sound, as background noise while I worked on homework (which, don’t get me wrong, I still do). Music often went in one ear and out the other, literally. I never questioned or examined lyrics. I never focused on what made the song great, or what cultural impact it had made.
This isn’t to say that those are the only reasons to listen to music. It’s not. But I realize now that these are some of the main reasons I love listening to music: because it is both a therapeutic and an intellectual experience. It can be enjoyed with or without deep thought, and both scenarios are equally magical.
Jeeeeez. Why’d he have to grow up to become an asshole?
I don’t think I had ever been truly taken away by a song until I heard The Smiths. When I discovered them, however, many of Morrissey’s lyrics meant nothing to me. I still thought boys were gross; the closest I’d gotten to romance was being asked to a 7th grade dance while grabbing my lunchbox from my locker (and I didn’t even say yes).
Over the years, his lyrics have grown more and more relevant as I experience and go through new things (e.g.: Sixteen, clumsy, and shy). But regardless of their relevance to my personal life, I have found Morrissey’s words so meaningful because, well… they actually meansomething.
Listening to The Smiths was like a rite of passage into maturity for me. Once I began listening to them, my childhood began to end, not so much because of lyrical content, but because of the way they were written. These songs were saying so much more than those that took over the top charts. They were poems disguised as songs, flooded with imagery and rhyme and anecdote. I had never heard anything like it.
Of course, there have been so many other things that have helped shape my mind and thinking, but once I began to listen to The Smiths, I really began thinking for myself. I began rethinking ideas and asking more questions. I became curious and interested and more willing to learn because I finally realized that everything — from song lyrics, to color choices in film, to syntax throughout a novel —can be analyzed and questioned.
And, of course, The Smiths opened my eyes (no pun intended) and led me to some of my favorite music which, in turn, has led me to even more. I’ve been given a great dose of music history from both of my parents, but after this discovery, I felt a huge deal of freedom to explore on my own, thus leading to many other wonderful discoveries (many of which are, frankly, far better and more compelling than The Smiths).
I’d even say they were the group that (unintentionally) taught me how to listen to music, because it wasn’t just lyrics that captivated me: it was the sound that played alongside them. Hearing the haunting final riffs during the last 30 seconds of Well I Wonder and Pretty Girls Make Gravesis like a religious experience every time I listen to them (thanks, Johnny Marr❤️). Or the strange, back-and-forth guitar that opensHow Soon As Nowand repeatedly creeps up on you throughout…so good. (By the way, check out this fantastic video on that song if you want to learn about some of the influence and history behind it.)
The Smiths are no perfect band. Some of Morrissey’s lyrics are questionable, and there are certainly a few songs by them that I don’t care for. But what was so profound and important about my discovery was that it was something new. This alternative, jangly, sometimes-upbeat-and-sometimes-depressing music was something I’d never heard before. It made me think, if I’ve gone my whole life without hearing this…what other music am I missing out on? And I’ve never looked back since.
I realize there’s lots of very specific connotation surrounding The Smiths. From the few films I’ve seen in which they are the protagonist’s favorite band (e.g. Perks of Being a Wallflower and 500 Days of Summer), they are often a very troubled character. They’re lonely, traumatized, a hopeless romantic, or all three combined.
Perhaps my love for The Smiths means that I, too, am lonely, traumatized, and a hopeless romantic. But I’d also like to think that I’m a critical thinker, a person that asks questions, and a person who is interested in learning more about the world and the people around me. And I can thank my discovery of Morrissey and The Smiths for much of that.
Now, for your daily dose of deep lyrics, I present to you:
Some Of My Favorite Morrissey Lyrics
Take me out tonight
Where there’s music and there’s people
Who are young and alive — There Is A Light That Never Goes Out (I’m sure we can all relate to this one right about now.)
No it’s not like any other love This one’s different Because it’s us — Hand In Glove
They were born
And then they lived and then they died
Seems so unfair
I want to cry — Cemetry Gates
Under the iron bridge we kissed and although I ended up with sore lips it just wasn’t like the old days anymore — Still Ill
They’re in order, but I do change my mind all the time. Enjoy.
As for why I wrote this post: I was struck by inspiration to write this which hasn’t happened all that much lately, so I decided to take advantage of it. I never feel qualified to talk about music and always get nervous to share my opinion because of my lack of formal music training and music theory knowledge. But I am slowly learning more and gaining a greater musical perspective, and since I have a lot of experience listening to The Smiths, I felt confident enough to write this post.
I really liked writing it, and I’m actually somewhat proud of it, so maybe this’ll be the start of a new blog series in which I discuss some of my other favorite music. Or not. Sometimes I get lazy, as you know. 😉 Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. Happy Wednesday!
Last Tuesday, April 7th, I turned 18. The weather was gorgeous, and it was by far the best day of the week to have a birthday, despite the current state of the world.
Just a little over a month ago, I had plans to visit my mom in Vermont. I also had plans to visit the city to see my friends and to celebrate birthdays in our group. But as this year has taught us all, plans change, and sometimes we just have to adapt, accept, and go with the flow.
On the morning of my birthday, a family friend of mine & her daughter came over and decorated the fence in front of my house with paper decorations and a sign that said “Happy Birthday Josie.” She also left a sweet birthday card and some cupcakes. It was a really lovely start to the day. Thanks, Mrs. Morin & Mary ❤️!
Then, I had online school throughout the day. I’m probably one of the few people that actually enjoys having their birthday on a school day. I guess I just like the attention 😉. It was a really great day at school, though. My Italian class sang to me (in Italian, of course), along with my ceramics class, and my piano teacher played a dramatic rendition of Happy Birthday for me, too. I so wish I could have been with them all at school, but their virtual presence and songs made me so happy, even from afar.
After classes, I Zoomed with both my friends from school & from the Italy trip. Zoom is really fun, and all of my friends were putting pictures of me as their background 😂. Also, PSA: should you ever attend a virtual birthday party, singing Happy Birthday is not the most, uh…nice-sounding tune 😉.
I went on a run after my virtual birthday parties ceased and enjoyed Mother Nature’s gift to me. Then, my dad & brother made dinner, and I blew out the candles on my cupcakes. I talked to my mom, grandpa, and aunt on the phone, and then chatted with one of my friends until the day was officially over.
Earlier this year, I had never been so excited for a birthday in my life. Turning 18 is so exciting, and I was totally bummed out when I realized we’d still be in quarantine when the date came around. But thanks to my friends and family, it was just as wonderful as I had planned. It’ll be nice to celebrate with everyone in person someday, but for now, we’ll keep our six-foot distance and give air hugs until this is all over.
Studio Josie 